gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
