well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
