Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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