wrigley field is MILF paradise
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
