You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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