It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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