I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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