Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Hippo gnu deer
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
