Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
