i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
