we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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