____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
