i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize