You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
one might say we're banned from that church
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
