Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
ttyl tear gas
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
