you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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