he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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