the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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