No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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