So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
