and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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