mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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