i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
