maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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