i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
