God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
A+ Viking dick
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
