batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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