I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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