Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize