i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
