I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
