It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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