Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
