Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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