At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
