she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
