i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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