sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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