What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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