it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
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He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
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You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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