Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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