Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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