Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
