There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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