nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
where are my eyebrows?
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