is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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