is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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