i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
BRING THE BAGELS
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
