oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
