I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
