Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
