Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
