I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
