I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Buhtt sex?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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