3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
