Don't make out with my wife yet
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
