Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
