it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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