bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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