I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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